You can no longer be both an Officer and a Gentleman.

Meanwwhile, for those with no club to go to, stay at home and wacth The Breeders Cup, the Charlie Hall and all the other TV races.

It’s been an interesting week in clubland. Firstly, I got a text from Radar, telling me that:

XXXX had been XXXX because he or she had XXXX with or to a XXXX and had done this in front of XXXX. As a result, XXXX was now considered X communicado.

I have never seen such a note before, and I'm really not sure I approve of it. I prefer my clubbing (to extinction) to be done quietly—the Stiletto rather than the Shillelagh. On the other hand, I have no idea who or what the XXXX was going on!

Then Lt. Gen. David Eastman, the Army’s No. 2, sent another round-robin, telling Colonels and COs that regiments can be affiliated with private members clubs only if their rules and culture ‘align with the army’s values.’ In the letter, Lt Gen Eastman expressed his concerns not only about organisations that barred women entirely, but also about those whose membership rights, access, and participation varied by gender.

Several things sprang to mind, apart from Madame ZouZou’s Jigajig piano bar at two in the morning, which has always been kind to old soldiers and a refuge to young subalterns with a private trust.

Firstly, receiving stiff anti-clubland orders from a chap who is the Master General of REME, the Colonel Commandant of the Royal Corps of Army Music, and the Honorary Colonel of the Engineer and Logistic Staff Corps Army Reserve does smack slightly of a man whom the RAC has turned down and has struggled to find the front door of the In and Out. Bizarrely, he is also a Rugby referee, player, and former head of Army Sport, so can quote chapter and verse on “The Rugger Club’s role in the development of feminism in the 20th century.”

Secondly, is it simply a coincidence that this letter, containing three distinct orders regarding Regimental and Club affiliations, was sent so soon after the latest investigation into sexual malpractice in HM Vineyards was announced? Responding and ensuring that “the alignment of army values” in the same week as Wiltshire police announce a nationwide investigation into medically-based sexual assaults during the female recruitment process over at least three decades, smacks of stable doors, and has the tiniest hint of Woke-washing.

I am also mindful that “…the alignment of army values” has been woefully lacking in recent decades in terms of supporting infrastructure. The delinquency in proper housing, kit, mental health support, post-service support and a host of other practical and necessary elements of what might be considered good HR values is widely known. Maybe I’m wrong, but when I have to send a RAMS nurse in Afghanistan a medical book via Amazon, because the corps doesn’t provide it, something is wrong.

Thirdly, if everything is equal, and this is admittedly minor, why has no woman ever passed the Royal Marines Commando course, which is a separate, more demanding course than the All Arms Commando Course? There are, of course, seven tough dedicated women who have successfully passed AACC, which is open to members of all services, and which entitles one to a “green beret”, but is not the full Royal Marines commando qualification. I’m maybe confused by the phrase in his letter: “… those whose membership rights, access, and participation varied by gender.”

Finally, and off the top of my head, I can name five Women’s Clubs in London. The Fiena ~ The Allbright ~ The Sorority ~ The Trouble Club ~ The Merit Club, and none of them is discriminatory. I might also suggest that the current situation with The Travellers, the Savile, the Beefsteak, Boodle’s, Buck’s, Brooks’s, the East India and White’s is also in no way discriminatory. And there’s a reason for that.

IT IS NOT AGAINST THE LAW TO RESTRICT MEMBERSHIP ON THE GROUNDS OF SEX, RELIGION OR ETHNICITY!

Under the Equality Act 2010, Private clubs (with 25 or more members and a genuine selection process) can legally restrict their membership based on a shared protected characteristic (e.g., sex, religion, ethnicity), which would be unlawful discrimination in a public service setting. However, once an individual is a member, the club generally cannot discriminate against them, their associates, or their guests based on any protected characteristics (such as access to facilities, benefits, or membership terms). Doubtless, there is an arguable legal case for Associated memberships and reciprocal arrangements. Clubs have a duty to make reasonable adjustments for disabled members and guests to ensure they can access facilities and participate fully.

However, it is also important to realise that a private members’ club with various age-based membership regulations, and I can think of one or two, would be subject to the Equality Act 2010. While the Act generally prohibits age discrimination, several key exceptions would impact the legality and practical operation of the club’s rules.

Then I wondered whether poor old General Ironside actually understood the point of Clubs. Most of the clubs he is indirectly pointing a finger at were formed around the time of Waterloo in 1815. The British state mobilised approximately 750,000 soldiers and sailors between 1793 and 1815. The large-scale demobilisation of the Army saw the Army shrink from 204,000 to 130,000 in five years and to 106,000 in 15 years. That would imply that some 3000 Officers would have found themselves unemployed or on the Half-Pay List in the five years after Waterloo and 6,000 by 1830. This is not about elitism - it is about how the true middle classes (and nothing is more middle-class than an Army Officer) connect, thrive, interact, and build mutual support networks, in many cases to simply support their families. Nor is it about enhancing Ensign Habitat-Scatter-Cushion’s career path, which is currently pretty woeful, given an ever-diminishing workforce commanded by a static number of commanders and overseen by successive governments that have taken the armed forces for granted for decades. It is, as it has always been, about building their future based on lifelong friendships.

Clubs aren’t a threat to the capabilities of the Army’s Officer Corps, or indeed to the public’s perceptions of the overall capabilities of the armed forces. It’s the nagging feeling that, at a perilous time geopolitically, we could have a tiny force of ill-equipped, under-resourced Lions led by politically correct Donkeys.

Talking of Donkeys…. here are the brief, carefully considered, selections for today’s cross-pond racing fest.