What ever happened to St Leander's day at Cheltenham?

Thursday’s enclosure badges are enormous, vulgar, green, and shaped like a shamrock (or is it a clover?). Some years ago, a marketing wonk from DD&E (Dreary, Dull and Expensive; Brand Managers for the Gentry), convinced a Jockey Club panjandrum of their marvellous plan.

“Wouldn’t it be the most frightful fun if we paid homage to the Irish because we keep beating their horses, and Bless them, they do still keep coming over and dumping vast loads of cash on course, and that does us no harm. Our cunning plan is to link St Patrick’s Day to Cheltenham, regardless of the actual date. We might even sell Guinness in the Bars.”

Yer man at The Jockey Club thought this was a cracking idea and talked to Guinness who created stupid hats with foaming pints and Leper’s Corns.

Thus, it came to pass, that The Jockey Club seized power from The Roman Catholic Church in much the same manner as Henry VIII, but without the executions and less fun. I can only suppose the Irish are simply being polite at this patronising folderol, which reminds one of a chapter from the stories of The Irish RM.

For my part, I mourn the lack of opportunity to celebrate the life of St Leander of Seville, whose feast day IS on March 13th. He slots neatly between the saints Maximillian and Matilda and he is the chap who introduced the recitation of the Nicene Creed (Credo in Unum Deum) at Mass, as a way to help reinforce the faith of his people against Arianism. Who can also forget his closing sermon at the Third Council of Toledo Homilia de triumpho ecclesiae ob conversionem Gothorum (“A homily upon the triumph of the Church and the conversion of the Goths”). There can never be enough celebration of the conversion of any Goth.

I should point out, that this is not the same Leander as the one whose name is used by the Rowing Club. Their Leander, was not strong on converting Goths, but was the Greco-Roman mythological figure who drowned while swimming from Europe to Asia. As one might — although quite why a rowing club thinks a drowning man is a cracking role model is a mystery.

So welcome one and all to Saint Leander’s day at Cheltenham — and damn the Goths!

Talking of drowning in a mythological attempt at a wet or dry marathon….