The Known Knowns - Midnight Mass, Mince Pies, Mulled Wine, Santa...
It’s the time of year when, for the first time all year, absolutely everything is either a known Known or a known Unknown. We all create a perfect scenario in which, because we have stuck rigidly to the same formula as taught by Nan, Mum, Grans, or the strange priest in the choir School, we know the form.
The same conversations are repeated… “but we always put that there…”; “let’s not change it, mum, it’s a tradition…”; “it’s so comforting to see that still…”; “you always know it’s Christmas when…”!
I’ve had my damaged nephew bollock me royally for putting the manger in the wrong place in the crib for the previous five years, and my not remembering that we always sing together “Sally” a la Gracie Fields very badly, and/or Nagasaki.
What? Are you unfamiliar with the song? Get a grip, for heaven’s sake. It is probably the greatest foot stomper written by any reciprocal member of Drones since 1922. It appears in a small visual recording of Jeeves and Wooster (the Laurie/Fry version), which can happily be seen HERE. (Fry’s cocked eye is a wonder). However, as many of you will be aware, and just like one of my great heroes, Dudley Moore, Hugh Laurie is no slouch on the ivories, and HERE you can hear him playing Nagasaki in its entirety.
Christmas would not be the same without tobaccy and wicky-wack-woo
The other known Knowns and Unknowns are the endless Year-in-Review, passing themselves off as quizzes. You know you’re going to do one; what you don’t know is whether the kindness of Mum has prevailed, and the quiz’s difficulty is aimed at Gran, rather than young Tommy down from Winchester. That all said, it’s not the knowing, nor the winning, but honestly - and so rarely - the sheer joy of taking part.
Talking of reviews, I received OFCOM’s annual report on those that have stopped chewing the cud in front of the box and instead started mooing if not stampeding!! Strangely, I am not as disheartened by their top 10 most complained-about TV shows as I thought I might be. It is, one supposes, a reflection of national life. Hundreds of thousands of people watch Reality TV, and the fact that sufficient numbers take up cudgels on Shakira’s behalf is rather charming. (I imagine she or he is a “Reality Star”). The GB News appearance is entirely expected. Especially as the Good Law Project was involved, it is to self-righteous moral grandstanding what the peacock is in a farmyard. A lot of noise and hugely unproductive. I have a soft spot for Vanessa, whose every programme is essentially My Yiddishe Mama gets Liberal and as for The Brit Awards… My own complaint was the use of fake Welsh Guards uniforms… so I might not have noticed her kit.
1. Love Island, ITV2, 24 July 2025 – 3,547 complaints. Complaints related to alleged bullying behaviour towards Shakira.
2. Love Island, ITV2, 22 July 2025 – 2,509 complaints. The majority of complaints related to alleged bullying behaviour towards Shakira. A small number were about Megan returning to the villa.
3. Love Island, ITV2, 23 July 2025 – 2,002 complaints. The majority of complaints related to alleged bullying behaviour towards Shakira. A small number were about Megan returning to the villa.
4. Vanessa, 5, 10 June 2025 – 1,866 complaints. Complainants related to a discussion on breastfeeding and its benefits, which some felt was misleading.
5. Headliners, GB News, 22 January 2025 – 1,391 complaints. Complainants objected to a presenter’s comment, which they believed linked the LGBTQ+ community to paedophiles. Our investigation found that the live programme breached broadcasting rules by including a highly offensive remark that was not justified by the context, falling short of generally accepted standards. In addition to these complaints submitted directly by individuals to Ofcom, the Good Law Project gathered 71,851 complaints and provided them to Ofcom.
6. Today with Samantha Washington, Sky News, 7 June 2025 – 1,302 complaints. Complaints related to a section of the programme on the Madleen, a vessel trying to deliver aid to Gaza. Complainants alleged that the presenter’s comment misrepresented the mission’s peaceful nature.
7. Love Island, ITV2, 25 July 2025 – 1,296 complaints. The majority of complaints related to alleged bullying behaviour towards Shakira. We also received complaints about the way Blu spoke to Toni.
8. Love Island: All Stars, ITV2, 12 February 2025 – 1,240 complaints. Complaints related to alleged bullying behaviour between participants.
9. Celebrity Big Brother, ITV2, 9 April 2025 – 1,008 complaints. Complaints related to comments made by Mickey Rourke to JoJo Siwa.
10. The Brit Awards 2025, ITV1, 1 March 2025 – 938 complaints. Complaints related to Sabrina Carpenter’s opening dance routine and to Charli XCX’s outfit.
I know, let’s start a tradition!
A SIMPLE QUIZ FOR CHRISTMAS MORNING.
Time allowed 15 minutes—answers at the end. Do it together!
Justin went in January and now spends time with Katy, but who did he replace in her affections, and who replaced Justin in Outaouais
Which Celebrity Traitor hit headlines for accidentally “breaking wind” during a recording?
Which Liverpool-born star of the drama This City Is Ours became the new face of the M&S Autograph menswear range?
Which Ted Lasso duo had “Role Model Barbies” created in their likeness this year?
Name either of the two new hosts of MasterChef that joined the lineup this year
Which prominent member of the Royal Family (with a title!) was the only one not to attend Wimbledon this summer?
Which famous tiara (loved by Princess Diana) did the Princess of Wales wear to the US President’s State Banquet in September?
In which city did the Oasis Live 25 reunion tour officially open this July?
What is the name of Raynor Winn’s bestselling memoir that became embroiled in a scandal over its veracity this year?
Who won the Men’s and Women’s singles at Wimbledon this year?
Princess Beatrice gave birth to her second child in January. What is the baby girl’s full name?
After years of closure, which iconic British retail brand officially returned to the physical high street this autumn with a “concept store”?
On January 1st, the bus fare cap in England was raised from £2 to what amount?
England’s “Red Roses” won the Rugby World Cup on home soil this year. Who did they defeat in the final at Twickenham?
Who was the surprise “Secret Set” performer on the Park Stage at Glastonbury 2025 that caused the area to be cordoned off due to overcrowding?
Which UK-based company successfully launched the first-ever “Space Mail” rocket from the Shetland Isles this summer?
What “controversial” spread was banned (then quickly reinstated) in the UK this year due to a “labelling error” regarding its caffeine content?
In March 2025, which London Underground line celebrated its 162nd anniversary by bringing a steam train back into the tunnels for a one-off public journey?
Who represented the UK at the Eurovision Song Contest 2025 in Basel, Switzerland, following the success of the 2024 selection process?
A “first” occurred in the 2025 series of Bake Off when a contestant was sent home during “Bread Week” for doing what to their dough?
A new definitive 50p coin was released in October to mark the King’s 77th birthday. Which animal, native to the UK and a favourite of the King, is featured on the reverse side?
Which supermarket’s “Limited Edition” Valentine’s Day “Love Heart” Crumpets caused a social media frenzy in February because of their “unfortunate” shape when toasted?
Which legendary 78-year-old American singer (and honorary Brit) finally performed her “last ever” UK show at BST Hyde Park in July?
In April, thousands of UK smart doorbells began “singing” a 1980s pop song due to a widespread firmware bug. What was the song?
What was the UK’s 2025 Oxford Word of the Year - and what was the Runner-up?
A “theft” at the British Museum in August turned out to be a PR stunt for which upcoming Ridley Scott film?
What was the name of the “Mega-Storm” that brought the UK to a standstill in late November, famously causing a record-breaking number of “Snow Days”?
After 11 years of dominance by Galileo, followed by titles for Frankel and Dubawi, which former shuttle sire (a son of Dubawi) was crowned the Champion Sire in Great Britain and Ireland for 2025?
In a rare feat of breeding brilliance, the horse Lambourn won both the Irish and English Derbys in 2025. Which son of Galileo—himself an English Derby winner—sired this champion?
In September 2025, the racing world mourned the loss of the legendary sire Wootton Bassett, who died at age 17. At the time of his death, he was standing at a record fee for which country?
The 2025 Grand National, Aintree’s showpiece, was won by the 33/1 outsider Nick Rockett. Which amateur Irish jockey rode him, the first Irish Amateur for over 125 years?
In a massive upset, the defending champion Galopin Des Champs was beaten into second place in the 2025 Cheltenham Gold Cup. What was the name of the Gavin Cromwell-trained winner?
The 2025 Champion Hurdle saw a “David vs. Goliath” result after favourites Constitution Hill and State Man both fell. Which 25/1 longshot mare stormed home to win for jockey Lorcan Williams?
Which grey horse, described by jockey Colin Keane as “the best I’ve ever sat on,” produced the performance of the week at Royal Ascot by winning the St James’s Palace Stakes?
On British Champions Day in October, who was officially crowned the 2025 Champion Flat Jockey, securing the title for the fourth time in his career?
Talking of racing and pulling one’s metaphorical socks up and forswearing the demon juice, let’s set sail together, united in our shared love of bookmakers, racing, Clarkson, and the baby Jesus, As we head out from Despair Harbour, through the Slough of Despond and into the choppy waters of the Sea of Cataclysm, with our course firmly set for the land of Equality via the Penury-With-Benefits islands, and have a look at the very last Kempton King George meeting before next year’s!
