Sorry dears, but Sally Bowles is not appearing anytime soon!
I’m sorry, dear hearts, but if I see another bloody article or hear some pan-european pseudo-intellectual glottal-stopping their way through a warning about Britain’s Far Right future, I shall scream.
Britain in 2026 does not bear an uncanny resemblance to the dying days of the Weimar Republic, nor is Nigel Farage about to goose-step down Whitehall in his Barbour coat and Cording’s jacket. Nor can I see our Ange fleeing to Zurich in a biplane, clutching a F&M hamper containing the last bits of Treasury gold that the numpty Brown had missed when he sold our reserves for tuppence in the dollar.
Endless dinner parties and Sunday lunch conversations, see the Weimar comparison trotted out, less a serious historical analogy than a kind of compulsory middle-class moral aerobics. One must do it once a week, it seems, to reassure everyone within earshot that one has Read A Book and remains appropriately vigilant about The Lessons Of History. The fact that the book is usually half-remembered from sixth form is neither here nor there; the moment Isherwood, Baum or Friederich are mentioned, you know what’s coming next!
Of course, Britain is in a foul temper. Of course, large parts of the electorate are angry, economically squeezed, institutionally distrustful and increasingly convinced that the managerial class could not organise a piss-up in the saloon bar of the Dog & Duck without first commissioning a McKinsey stakeholder review and accidentally deporting the darts team to Rwanda.
But the leap from “the country feels shabby and exhausted” to “this is literally Weimar Germany” requires a level of historical compression normally associated with Ryanair legroom. At the risk of teaching Grannies about egg sucking, or whatever, the Weimar Republic had - in no particular order: political assassinations, paramilitary street warfare, attempted putsches, hyperinflation that vaporised the savings of the middle class, and Communist uprisings. Yes, Germany had suffered national humiliation after a total military defeat - but other than an inability to send a half-refurbished destroyer to Cyprus, I don’t really see the comparison. Yes, they had armed nationalist militias on the street and in various “centres” - and maybe there are some areas of Birmingham where there is a Club full of angry Pakistani young men who have got themselves three crossbows and a couple of Jason Statham combat knives. But that really doesn’t count. At a pinch, I might also accept that there may well be some loony elitists who believe they could domesticate extremists for their own purposes.
The deeper problem is that “Weimar” has ceased to mean anything precise. It is now simply a shorthand for “a political atmosphere I personally find alarming and struggle to understand.”
Immigration controls? Weimar. Populism? Weimar. People being rude about NGOs on GB News? Weimar. Somebody from Kent saying they preferred it before every market town acquired seventeen vape shops and a Turkish barber called Bladez Elite? Practically the Beer Hall Putsch.
This does not mean there are no dangers in modern Britain. Democracies absolutely can decay through sheer institutional exhaustion, laziness and ineptitude. That decay is hastened through the sheer incompetence of the political elite and the gradual normalisation of ugliness - and I mean that in the sense of things we simply find “ugly”. Bad manners, lack of courtesy, unsympathetic public services, and perhaps a failure to see any other perspective. Everyone is wrong, apart from…
The process that sees a grotesque in charge is usually far less cinematic than the chattering classes imagine. Most national decline does not arrive in jackboots. It arrives in the form of managed decline, procedural sclerosis and railway replacement buses. Britain’s present condition looks less like 1932 Berlin than a tired, ageing post-imperial democracy running on administrative fumes and culture-war stimulants while everybody involved pretends that another white paper, another inquiry or another reshuffle might somehow reverse forty years of structural drift.
Which is depressing enough without dragging the ghost of Weimar into every bloody column.
Weimar Bratwürste mit Sallys1 Kartoffeln
Mea maxima Culpa - I have not given you a recipe lately, and so here, and in the context of a jolly evening at home in Schnitzel Strausse, is my idea of heaven if you’re wearing your lederhosen.
You can buy Saurkraut, and much of it is OK’ish, but it is much more fulfilling to make your own, AND I don't know a chap who doesn't like a new piece of kitchen kit.
What you need is the wherewithal to do lacto-fermentation or pickling. In order for it to work, you do need to make sure that the (in this case) cabbage is kept submerged in its own self-produced brine. Now Granny did it her way, and my mother probably did it another way - but this kit is the thing! See it HERE. Yes, Amazon will have other Mason jars and pickling kits - but this is the one for me. Whatever you choose, here are the principles involved in making your own Sauerkraut.
Ingredients
1 medium head of green cabbage (about 1kg)
1.5 to 2 tbsp sea salt (ensure it is non-iodised, as iodine can inhibit fermentation)
Optional: 1 tsp caraway seeds or juniper berries for that traditional Bavarian kick.
Instructions
Keep the outer leaves. Quarter the cabbage and remove the core. Slice the cabbage into very thin ribbons.
Place cabbage in a large bowl and sprinkle with salt. Massage the cabbage with your hands for about 10 minutes. You’ll know you’re done when the cabbage is limp and has released a significant amount of liquid (brine).
Stuff the cabbage into a clean glass mason jar. Press down firmly with your fist or a wooden spoon to remove air bubbles. The brine should rise above the level of the cabbage.
Use the reserved outer cabbage leaves to place over the top of the mix to keep it down, adding a weight if necessary. Cover with a lid, but do not seal tightly (allow gases to escape). If it comes into contact with air, it can mould.
Cover with a cloth or a loose lid. Let it sit at room temperature out of direct sunlight.
Start tasting after 7 days. For a deep, complex tang, let it go for 3-4 weeks. Once you love the flavour, put a lid on it and refrigerate it.
If your fermenting sauerkraut ever smells “rotten” or looks slimy/pink, chuck it. It should smell pleasantly sour and vinegary, like a deli.
Now to the bangers: You want Bratwurst for these - a good place to find really excellent, authentic German bangers are The Sausage Man or The Sausage Haus. Get more than you need - especially with summer coming and the BBQ lurching into view!
Ingredients:
4-6 high-quality German sausages (Bratwurst, Knackwurst, or Weisswurst).
300 gms of your homemade sauerkraut (drained).
1 onion, thinly sliced.
175 ml Dry Riesling or a light German lager.
1 tbsp butter or oil.
1 tsp sugar (optional, to balance the acidity).
Instructions:
In a large saute pan with a lid over medium heat, add the butter/oil and brown the sausages on all sides until golden. They don’t need to be cooked through yet. Remove and set aside.
In the same pan, sauté the onions until soft and translucent.
Add the sauerkraut and the wine (or beer). Scrape the bottom of the pan to get all those flavorful brown bits. Stir in the sugar if using.
Nestled the sausages back into the bed of sauerkraut. Cover the pan, turn the heat to low, and simmer for 10–15 minutes. This allows the sausages to finish cooking while the kraut absorbs the fat and juices.
Personally, I prefer this served with slightly overcooked cut-up spuds that are slightly crushed - not mashed - just wounded. Masses of butter and toss through some chives. Some prefer baby new potatoes. Some chips or even potato cakes. Whatever you do, you need a large dollop of sharp German mustard and possibly even a soft pretzel.
Ach so! Here is where the purity of language, the clash of European cultures, and the need for rules all come to a head. How Germanic!
The Deppenapostroph - The Morons Apostrophe is a source of endless debate, often spotted on shop signs and food trucks across the country. In standard German grammar, the genitive (possessive) case for names does not take an apostrophe. You simply append an -s to the name. Thus Sallys Kartoffeln, Martins Bräu, Andreas Imbiss, Goethes Faust. However, you only use an apostrophe if the name ends in an s, ß, z, or x (to indicate the missing “s”). For example: Max’ Restaurant or Lukas’ Garage.
The rise of the “moron’s apostrophe” in Germany is generally attributed to two things - and boyd is this irritating! Global branding and the ubiquity of English possessives (McDonald’s, Levi’s) have made the apostrophe look “correct” or “cool” to the average speaker. Shop owners often feel that adding an ‘s makes the original name easier to read (e.g., Rosi’s Bar looks cleaner to some than Rosis Bar).
But then, just when you thought that surely one could rely on Rat für Deutsche Rechtschreibung (the Council for German Orthography), it decided to acknowledge that an apostrophe can be used in names to clarify the “basic form” of the name, specifically in branding or signage. So, while a German teacher might still circle it in red ink, a sign saying “Sally’s Bratwurst” is no longer considered the linguistic “crime” it once was, though purists will still roll their eyes at it.
Surely when it comes to punctuation, Reinheit ist alles!