Lowe's swing has seen his Restore chariot carry him home in Gt Yarmouth
Phew I was worried that might be convoluted!
A day of Lummes and crikeys!
Firstly and most importantly, Sunday’s Plumpton meeting has been called off due to a confirmed case of Equine Influenza and EHV-4 in an unvaccinated non-thoroughbred horse based at a livery yard adjacent to the racecourse. The infected horse, which remains isolated at the livery yard, has undergone further testing and is still actively shedding the virus. The BHA issued a release in late April, asking licensed professionals to be extra vigilant regarding biosecurity. Everyone with horses in their care, vaccinated or not, should look out for the signs of infection, which may include a raised temperature, a harsh cough or nasal discharge. Any of these signs should be investigated promptly by a vet. Equine influenza is highly contagious and can be transmitted via the air over reasonable distances, as well as indirectly, including via people.
Rupert Lowe’s Restore Britain has had a 100% strike rate for its candidates in the council elections and has taken all ten seats in Great Yarmouth. A RB spokesperson who had patently learned their comms skills at the Murmansk School of Pravda Understatement said: “Today, the voters of Great Yarmouth delivered a landslide. This is just the beginning.”
David Gauke, who was a loathsome and extraordinarily pompous man when I met him twice at relatively off-piste engagements (i.e., little public scrutiny), has fulfilled all his Tory ideological promises and been knighted by Starmer. From the day the Brexit decision was made, Gauke worked assiduously to block, hinder, and obfuscate every attempt to implement that democratic result. In June 2019, Gauke survived a no-confidence vote by his local Conservative association, which was triggered by his opposition to a “no-deal” Brexit. Gauke then had the Conservative whip removed on 3 September 2019 and sat as an independent MP, a move that was a point of tension for some traditional Conservative voters in his constituency. Sir David’s reward is, if nothing else, appropriate!
I think I have found Your Party’s council election candidate - it’s surprising how much time one can waste on a meaningless quest, and I do mean one - some chap called John Warmisham who got 1.9% of the votes or 66 as it is known near Salford.
Apparently, we welcomed the 200.000th small boat since 2018 this morning… but who is counting? Is there a man in a tin helmet with a pair of naval binoculars perched on the cliffs with a pair of German Carl Zeiss 12x60 “Flak” Binoculars? “Broadsword to Danny Boy - Broadsword to Danny Boy. That’s number two zero zero zero zero zero zero one” No, I said two zero zero zero zero zero zero one, not two zero zero zero zero zero zero zero one! Out.”
As an aside, and only you gentle readers, Sir Peter O’Sullevan and the Late Queen Mum know this - but the actual bronze Sir POS annual award is not in fact based on his racing binoculars. He tended to use some huge monsters that had been placed in the commentator's position, or his own, a rather nice pair of standard-sized, but very well-engineered bins. When we were designing the award, I suggested we needed something that looked like it might have some heft in the sight department. The solution was to use the binoculars of Dorian (who was working with me at the time), Manville-Hales’ grandfather, which had been liberated from a U-Boat captain during the war. They were sculpted by Janie Beardsall, the brilliantly talented sculptress and wife of the mad hatter Jonny.
Talking of Crikey and Lumme, I once carried something of a small lustful adolescent flame for Sally Field, who just had (in my sad mind) the look of a secret and dangerous romper. She was, of course, always a good actress, and as she has matured, she has gone from strength to strength, now with a charm that is very bankable.
Anyway, she has popped up in Pop Culture’s ongoing and bizarrely intense obsession with the Octopus. It all started - what didn't?- in Lockdown, when a Netflix documentary about a man and his borderline-unhealthy fixation on an octopus started getting likes. The global reach of My Octopus Teacher also inevitably led to some truly strange cultural moments. At its peak, the internet was flooded with people asking deeply uncomfortable questions about just how “intimate” that human-mollusc bond really was.
Side note and to save Google and your rep: there was nil sex - it was platonic. Secondly, yes, it is a mollusc! Even though they don’t have a hard outer shell like snails or clams, octopuses belong to the phylum Mollusca. They are specifically classified as cephalopod molluscs, a group that includes squid, cuttlefish, and the shelled nautilus.
Despite the awkwardness, the documentary became a massive phenomenon, essentially rebranding the octopus from a seafood staple to a spiritual life coach.
This obsession paved the way for the 2022 bestseller Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. The novel, which hinges on the bond between an elderly cleaner and a grumpy giant Pacific octopus, gave readers exactly what they were apparently still yearning for: a heartwarming connection with a cephalopod, but in the form of a “gentle summer read” where no one had to worry about the “creepy” undertones of the original documentary.
Now, the cycle is completing itself. The book’s adaptation is soon to be on Netflix, with Sally Field in the female lead, and possibly and very bewilderingly, ensuring that the “inspiring octopus” is likely to be used for at least eighteen months as the heart of a dozen pitches and streaming algorithms.
“It’s about two families that hate each other, you say. They fight. One of them kills one of the other family members, and now the young lovers are doomed. It all ends badly, with suicide, priests, nurses, grandees, princes, and foreign lands. But I can’t see any octopus in it. Nah, sorry Will, it won’t work without the Octopus! Give me a squid even, and you can have as many capulets as you like”
Talking of wishing for eight arms to carry all our winnings home from today’s racing and then realising that only happens in fiction, here are my thoughts on the racing.
