At last - a new political party that makes sense - Vox Paucorum
One Vote for One Man - and I am that man!
I am old-fashioned enough to believe in a political system that works on the principle of One Man One Vote. Everything I see in British politics disturbs me. For almost a third of a century now, Britain has achieved little and lost much. I have therefore decided that I can no longer sit back and leave the future of this country in the hands of people who believe they speak for the people. I believe I am that One Man - the Right Man.
Today, I launch my new party VOX PAUCORUM - The Voice of The Few. A party that makes absolutely no promises, because we totally accept the actual reality of life in the UK; we have neither the inclination, finance, nor ability to do anything about any plans we might want to make or promise. What we have are aspirations!
Those parties on either side of the political dial, from Deepest Claret to Darkest Blue, are all facing the same realities - but simply cannot accept the truth. No politician in this country of any persuasion can deliver any manifesto promise because they do not have the capability. Building more houses; Stopping Boats, ending Hotels for, and deporting immediately illegal immigrants; Creating jobs; Improving education; Stopping Fly-tipping; Ending benefits fraud; kickstarting economic growth; Fixing potholes; Who? How? When?
For example, Rupert Lowe and his Restore Blighty Party for Smallholders and Farmers would send anyone back to their country of origin based on whether they spoke English. Or whether they had integrated or not, or claimed benefits or not. How would he send them back? Who would he get to send them back? Please, dear Rupert, describe the process.
Will it be initiated by GPs, front-line triage staff at A&E, or bus drivers? Ticket collectors? Policemen? Do they call a hotline, and then a car is sent out? How could you possibly discover the length of time a person has been living here, their level of English, and their benefits situation in less than 20 minutes? That means Mr Snodgrass from the Ministry would see a maximum of 18 people a day, before he felt faint from work, troubled by the mental issues he had encountered and then had to lie down in a darkened safe space where he no longer felt triggered.
On the other side of the political dial, Miliband wants to ban woodburners… How? Knock on the doors of the multiple farms and cottages in Upper Coquetdale (near Rothbury), an area that stretches from Alwinton into the Cheviot Hills, including areas near Barrowburn and Shillmoor? Are you going to explain that, despite being in the heartland of Northumbria in the middle of winter, and famously not having any electricity or connection to your partially existing grid, they can no longer have any heat? Should one ban all wood sales? Stop smoking salmon and ending forestry? Tell builders to use plastic? Get a grip; these political promises aren’t anything but jaw exercises for our political elite.
All political policies require two things. Firstly, the ability to oversee the delivery of the policy that includes penalties for failure, and secondly, the people to undertake the task. And this is rather the point. Eventually, EVERY political leader in this country will realise that the only way to deliver a nationwide reset is to get people to voluntarily work for the Government. In other words, good people need to tell the state about their bad neighbours.
Council worker WFH but actually working as a swimming pool attendant at the local baths? Dob him in! Know that the woman next door is running an illegal pet home for cash and claiming benefits - dob them in. Pot growers, illegals, tobacco smugglers, vat fraudsters - offer £250 per charge and watch the accusations flood in. Mrs Patel’s mother does not speak English and is getting her hips done for free on the NHS - call The Dobbing Line on 606.
Vox Paucorum believes that the only way ahead is to incentivise people to handle the core societal changes that need to be made.
First, we aspire to a plan that focuses on stopping waste and fraud to save money. Within eighteen months, large numbers of people will realise that it’s better for all concerned if they do an honest day’s work, rather than sitting at home feeling faint because it’s too sunny or Arsenal hasn’t won or someone was rude to them from next door.
Simultaneously, VOX PAUCORUM will aspire to reinstate the old Courts of Exchequer. These courts and their officers will have unlimited powers of access without a warrant and unlimited powers of seizure. We will appoint Marshals of the Exchequer and Local Sheriffs, and with our unique public service reward scheme, the Marshals and Sheriffs will be paid from a percentage of the funds raised by seizure that benefit the public purse. Money Launderers, smugglers, tax-avoiders - hide money from the state, and the price will be high.
The public, too, will receive handsome rewards for identifying the neighbours who, for example, grow dope, who are watching daytime TV and then working for Amazon at night whilst claiming a severe case of Long Covid, or are simply idling.
Many might see this as draconian. Some might see it as licensed state piracy. We think of it in terms of the old Elizabethan days of privateering: licensed, legal mercenaries removing the goods of the state's enemies, to the benefit of the state.
This, in fact, is exactly the role that we are planning to give various Royal Navy captains who will be permitted to “hire” their warship from the MOD, in return for which they can bring in any Oil tankers which might appear to be embargo-breaking, in return for a prize value. The sums are impressive - a full cargo of oil on a Very Large Crude Carrier (VLCC), which typically carries around 2 million barrels, is worth between $120m and $140m. A Type 45 destroyer costs approximately $57m per annum to run and operate. If you rented it out at, say, $10m per annum, the captain paid the running costs, and you gave him 40% of the oil's value, he would break even with just one oil tanker. Get two in one year, and he and his crew would share $30m+. Apart from cutting the Navy's running costs, you are also keeping an enemy of the state in their place.
Vox Paucorum will also have a range of cost-cutting policies, including mandatory A&E insurance for all amateur sports players - why should we foot the bill for little Tommy’s broken foot? We will also dramatically alter the UK's taxation system, simplifying it and making it easier to calculate and more difficult to avoid. We would have a broad, single-rate VAT; introduce a land value tax to replace stamp duty; introduce a cash-flow business tax to replace corporation tax; merge income tax and payroll tax; remove most reliefs and allowances; and accept only fully digital reporting.
In law and order, the concept of Community Service would be broadened, and at the upper end of the penalty scale, it would include time to be served in the Public Service Battalions, military-style reeducation programmes that include team building and social responsibility through hard work and managed exercise. Activities that support the transport system, farming, and factory-style production would all make valuable contributions to the nation’s everyday life.
Membership of Vox Paucorum is only £520 a year if you pay Monthly or £480 if you pay annually. Send your payment today and, by return, receive your own VP arm band. For just £30 extra, you'll also receive a pair of tailored Black Shorts, ideal for the balmy summer heat the resurgence of Britain is going to create!