And so it begins...
The trouble with diets is….
No, that’s almost as boring as any sentence with the word carb, keto, or protein. I have, however, started, and yes, there are targets - MYOB - and yes, it is already tiresome, and it is only Day 3.
I think the real problem is that I haven’t got my literary agent, personal manager, media agency and publishing company leaning over my shoulder and saying, a la Tom Kerridge, “We can’t get you another £350k TV series whilst you look like Porky Pig who's just eaten all the bacon sarnies, in a fit of cannibalistic munching - and then asked for second heloings of the crackling.” Tom lost 12 stone (168 lbs) using the “dopamine diet” and swimming,
Jesus - swimming? I have two rotator cuffs that have gone into shock after being used to lift a case of wine into someone else’s car, and a back that has the same core strength as Sir Kier Starmer’s national concern for defence.
The cold reality is that I’m just tubs and need to thin out, Also the idea of pin-sticking £300 a month into my tum without getting stonked seems a contradiction, given all I’ve ever known of needles. So it’s calorie counting, and obsessing over whether this week’s Which report on wholemeal bread… WHOA and no more rice and pasta or bacon sarnies or…
And what about the Mescal and the ‘63, and the last of the 2010 Grand-Puy-Lacoste, and the Armagnac will probably go off without helping and …
It might be my blood sugar levels, which are causing me to constantly panic at the beginning of this road. If only I knew what Blood Sugar Levels were. A Dopamine diet, WTF is that? No, don’t get me the bloody book - I could look like him on his financial diet - This only started because I was sidled up to by the Discount Viscount, who assured me he could supply me with the finest jabs money can buy - fresh from a lab in Wuhan and made to a formula that involves organic Bats and tree-bred Monkeys. I’m always slightly old-fashioned about commercial piers of any kind.
We scrambled home yesterday after the appalling disaster of Aintree, with a 50/1 and a 4/1 winner and a couple of phews. I fancy little today - but for what it is worth… and bear in mind my weakened condition:
1:50 SOVEREIGN SPELL - IRONWILL
2:25 Dutch CROWN KNOTT - PORTCULLIS 4 pts
3:00 ARAMRAM - WASHINGTON HEIGHTS
3:35 HAWK MOUNTAIN - AVICENNA