À la recherche de l'hospitalité perdue

The Memsahib, She Who Must Be Obeyed, Her Indoors, The Hon, Madame, and I celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary this week. We went shopping for boots for her - a rest is as good as a cure - and then off to a jolly pub for English Fizz, a decent Corbieres and some lamb, dressed as Greek mutton. When we arrived back, a huge Bird of Paradise and a flowering orchid had been delivered, ready for the withering gaze of the Medusa of Kew to set her gaze upon. Score at CoP Day 13505 of the Lifetime Test Series: Boyd (Capt.) Indeterminate score (still running - dropped several times) Not out. Opposition - Bowled Over.

Fate decreed that the latest trial of our bonds should be a temporary halt to the boiler’s operation, resulting in Froideur at many, many levels. Only my anger with the Government and my publican chums' angst kept my fingers from freezing to the keyboard. That and the Gas Man, who got it going temporarily. This morning, some snaggle-throtchet has been installed, and all is restored.

One or two of you will know that for a number of years, I dabbled as a PR practitioner, focusing primarily on promoting anything that a 17th-century puritan or a 19th-century prude might disapprove of.

Luckily, I worked with industry leaders, entrepreneurs, and people with brains the size of planets, promoting betting, pub drinking, restaurant eating, spread betting, horse racing, and even racecourse caterers.

The majority of our clients were with us for far longer than the industry average; possibly because we were extraordinarily competent, or because we were just nice, or perhaps because we were reliably inexpensive. But I cannot remember any of our clients ever telling their assorted trade bodies to do their job properly, or at least effectively.

This week I saw a headline from one of the Hospitality industry’s main news agencies which said: “Annual report for 2026 shows top 500 operators turning over £69bn.” It went on to say that this was across 68,000 sites, that all the companies achieved turnover above £10m, and that those with margin-strong business models, such as Whitbread, which focused on bedrooms, continued to report strong profits of £483m.

Now ask yourself what you think a 34yo Labour MP, who is either one of the 40% who came from a background in the public or political sectors, or one of the 110 Labour MPs who had worked in STEMM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Maths, and Medicine) or R&D, (but not doing P&Ls necessarily), would make of that story?

You need to find £150bn to keep the country safe, and about the same again, because you won’t reform the NHS or cut The Millipede’s ludicrous budget for ergonomic standing desks and steel electricity pylons that have to be manufactured in China.

Do you [a] think pubs are complaining too much, or [b] think that maybe they could afford another 2p on a pint of beer, or [c] you could put a bedroom tax of £5 per night per person on all hotel accommodation?

And that’s why we’re going to lose our pub industry. Because