2025 - I'm seeking a Knighthood for Failure

Phew - For a moment there, I thought Khan had been re-elected!

HM The Queen has been breakfasting at Jamie Snowdens, so Lambourn is agog to hear what she thought of the bacon sarnies. NYE was one of those strange affairs when “Ms A” had invited ten for dinner, forgetting that she could only sit 8. A neighbour said fine, use my house, but in the interim, they managed to get in a muddle over who was eating what, where, and when…. so everyone ended up at the Chateau d’If. The dog and I were both thoroughly confused, but the food was delicious, and the company was new and interesting.

We got them all away before the witching hour, so we watched Lord Sadiq of Decolonised London spend millions of pounds on fireworks instead of on TFL. Quite why that rabid skunk got knighted with a British Empire knighthood is beyond me. He destroyed the capital’s business infrastructure, built almost zero new houses, bankrupted the transport system, made shopping in London impossible, and did his best to make London the dullest, most congested capital in the world. He has, however, been successful at employing people who have spectacularly failed to do the job they were paid millions to do. For Example, Amy Lame, “the Night-Time Czar”, ensured it was almost as drear a place to visit after ten in the evening as Skegness seafront in a Force 10 gale and snow. But then she had strange methods for reaching out locally to the industry, preferring instead to discover what Rio, Sydney, and New York etc etc etc were doing at night.

Sir, Sir, Can I have a job like that when I grow up?

Talking of unlikely aspirations and abject failures through ill-considered selection processes.…